This article is more of an open letter to our dear parents.
First of all, thank you so much for being our parents. Words would not be enough to thank you for what you are, and your contribution to our lives.
But just like other relationships, there have been many times of disagreements and misunderstandings in this too. And most of the time, you think that we disrespect you by disagreeing with you. Like, what we choose may not be with your line. But, don’t you think disrespect and disagreement are totally different things?
Besides this, there are many instances when we wanted to confront you for a lot of other reasons, but could not gather the courage to say anything ever. Because we were worried, that once again you will think that we are disrespecting you. We were worried thinking that you would criticize our choices. But this is something that needs to be said, which is the main purpose of this article.
I am not someone else
Me: “I got 95 out of 100 marks.”
Parents: “Who got the highest marks”?
“Look at your sister, how responsible she is.”
“My colleague’s son has finally landed a safe and secure job. Why don’t you try for bank jobs again?“
Why this comparison again and again, in each and every aspect of life?
I am different. I am just me. Please, let me be myself. I want acceptance from you for who I am; not just criticism and comparison. There can never be a competition between two children or any two people in general. Just think, if you ask a fish to climb a tree, is it justified in any sense?
Please! stop comparing your children with each other, or with any other. The comparison trap is a disaster for your kids’ mental health.
Also read: 7 tactics to get rid of the comparison trap
Dear parents, you are our first and best teacher
You have a great influence on the way, I perceive the world around me. It’s the result of your upbringing that I can tell whether I am a well-cultured person or not. I have learned more from you than from any other teacher, the lessons of life, the lessons of what’s right or wrong in different aspects of life. That’s the reason I wanted to tell you that whenever I see both of you arguing, it makes me feel disturbed.
Children learn more from what you are than from what you teach them. You may never realize but each argument between both of you has a deep impact on us mentally as well as emotionally. I love and respect both of you, hence it breaks my heart when I feel you don’t love and respect each other.
Expectations
“What if I could not crack this exam this time?”
“What if I could not stand up to your expectations again?”
These are the questions that I always come across, before doing any work or before taking any decision. Do you know why? Because I have seen you, to be more stressed about my exams than me. I am not saying that parents don’t have the right to expect something from their kids, but sometimes, the main culprit is these expectations only. It puts mental pressure on both the kids as well as their parents. Sometimes, I feel so nervous seeing your stress level for my results.
Already there are many sources of demotivation for us. These come from this competitive and struggling world which includes schools, coaching classes, jobs, and random people because of this judgemental society. But please, not from you! We don’t care about the rest, but when this judgment comes from your side, it hurts, it really hurts. We feel the same level of pain as you, whenever we could not fulfill your expectations.
We want you to be our friend, rather than only being our parents
There are many instances when we wanted to come to you to share with you what is happening in our lives, but we found you busy. Moreover, we were scared of your scolding. And in no time, this communication gap created a drift in our relationship too. And then, you complain that we have been hiding things from you.
Yes, we respect your privacy but that doesn’t mean that while interacting with us also, your mind keeps revolving around your office work. We need your presence more than your presents. We want you to be available for us not just physically, but emotionally.
Why do you think I am always wrong?
Child: Breaks a glass in the kitchen. (accidentally)
Parent: “How irresponsible are you? Make sure that this should not happen again.” (a lot of scolding, in the worst case some slap too)
What should not happen again? Mistakes?
Our deeds may be sometimes wrong, but we as a person are not wrong. Are we not allowed to commit mistakes? Are we not allowed to have bad days, grumpy moods, or bad attitudes?
Realize that your kids are not always wrong. Dear parents, neither you are wrong nor your children. Just a little bit of understanding is required.
Why are you overprotective?
“Don’t go out, it’s dangerous”.
Why do you worry so much about us? Why does it take me full 3 months to convince you for a 3 days trip with my friends, or even it’s a solo trip?
We know that we are dearest to you, and you can go to any height in order to protect us even if it is a disaster. But sometimes, this over-protective attitude harms us rather than benefiting us. You may think that whatever you are doing is best for your child because you love them, but those actions may not always necessarily be healthy. You can’t protect your kids from every disaster, no matter how dear they are to you. If they cry or get worried about a single setback in their life as they grow up, chances are that you might be overprotective all this time. This way, you are hindering their growth doesn’t matter whether you have a son or daughter. Your overprotectiveness can make them feel trapped and weak mentally.
If a bird keeps her child at home always, will her child ever be able to fly?
If we do not learn to walk for the fear of falling, will we ever be able to walk?
Dear parents, I want you to trust me
I have failed multiple times, but believe me, I am working hard this time.
Please, don’t give up on us ever, as it’s because of your support only, we can continue with our struggles. Trust your upbringing. We won’t let you down.
Dear parents, I wish…
You asked me to solve one extra maths problem when I was in school so that I could become perfect in calculations or could score well. At that time, why didn’t you encourage me to devote at least some amount of time to my hobbies too? Now that I have grown up, I realize that those mathematics equations are not helping me in any part of my life, but I am still struggling with my cooking skills, which I guess is a basic skill. If at that time, we could have invested some time together on that, then things would have been different today.
You said that study now, you can learn rest skills later. And I guess, that later didn’t come till now. I wish we could not have postponed all the excitement of learning a new skill at that young and energetic age just for solving an extra algebraic equation then.
In countries like INDIA, one student gives up on his life every hour. The reason is he can’t handle the family pressure. The child gets broken inside because of peer pressure put on him which parents fail to realize most of the time.
Dear parents, times have changed a lot. And with time, you need to change your parenting style too. You can’t expect 21st centuries kids to be as tolerant as you were in your childhood days. We accept that son like RAM or SHRAVAN doesn’t exist in today’s modern world, but that doesn’t mean your kids don’t care for you or don’t respect you.
Believe us, we always try our best to be the reason for your happiness. And if we fail in this, then we are disappointed a lot just like you are disappointed in yourself when you couldn’t fulfill our expectations of you. Whenever we have been rude to you, we are hurt equally as you. Sometimes even we curb our desires or choices just to see you happy.
Dear parents, a clash in the generation of thoughts doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. One day, I will definitely make you proud, and for that, I am working day and night. Till that day, please trust me. Please never give up on me. And please, try to understand me as you have understood all this time.
~Yours most precious treasure, your daughter.
2 Comments
You should start counselling. Nice one.
Haha…Thanks.
I wrote what I felt, glad you liked it.